You are 19 and not yet wise. What you haven’t gained in experience you make up for in courage, determination and high school musical dance routines. This is for the bad days, I hope there aren’t many but there always will be and we will battle them together.
If there was a manifesto about our lives (which I will write someday don’t you worry) it would probably start off with the story of how we met. I don’t remember that I’m afraid so I’ve taken the liberty of making up a possibly accurate scenario; somewhere in a torn yearbook from 2003 is a picture of the two of us sitting at a crowded table, fat fingers (not that yours ever were) gripping crayons, wide smiles baring our tiny teeth, your tongue sticking out as you struggled to keep inside the lines. Things were easy back then when our only problems were trying to keep inside the lines and a crayon box was our whole world (you were always the more artistically talented one though you will probably deny it now).
We were always taught, since the beginning to “forgive and forget” because that’s what Saint Claudine Thevenet used to do. We were always told to turn the other cheek, to be the better person, to dull our flames so we wouldn’t end up burning someone. Sometimes though, sometimes it’s okay to not concede, we must relearn the art of forgiving, to put ourselves first because we are not Saints. We are girls still, who make horrible mistakes sometimes but we learn and we get better. This time though, put yourself first – rekindle your spark. Burn.
The problem with us, with people like you and me who think too much who feel too much is that we have an endless capacity to love. We become so involved in other people we give them parts of ourselves and so, when they leave we also lose ourselves in the process. We forget, we forget to love ourselves first, to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. We expect people to treat us in the same way that we treat them but they are people after all and often we end up disappointing ourselves because of these expectations.
Life is hard right now with school and university but just be content with the knowledge that you will end up exactly where you are meant to be.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, just be gentle with your heart.
I hope you had a good day, I really truly do because there’s no one in the world who deserves it more. You deserve all the good days – all the nimco, all the hot chocolate, all the hugs in the world. My writing is probably the worst it has ever been right now so I’m sorry this is such a crappy letter but if anything at least it is 100% raw and unedited. You deserve something better of course you do and I promise – if I ever publish a book someday, if I ever make it big it’ll be because of you. Because you were the first person I ever wrote poetry for.
I’m rambling but thank you, for being my best friend.
There is no one I’d rather do Milo shots with than you,