If I could pick one word to describe 2017 for me it would be Azmaish.
(s/o to Insoo for giving a name to the way I've been feeling)
Azmaish (n.) - a trial, or a test.
This year was rocky for me, and while there is so much to mourn there's also so much to celebrate. I graduated school, I worked my ass off and got good grades (say MA!), I moved back to Karachi and I got my first job. I don't usually give too much importance to new years because I believe we as human beings are constantly changing, constantly evolving and we don't need Mondays or 1st of January's to help identify that or kick start our goals. I don't do resolutions either because I try not to expect too much from myself so I don't end up disappointed but that's a shitty way to live so here's to 2018 and changing negative thought patterns. Here are a couple of 2018 resolutions/promises/reminders from my heart to yours:
1. Stop being so afraid: of rejection, of new experiences, of sharing my heart with people, of not being good enough. I owe it to myself to be brave.
2. Do not settle for mediocrity: my goals, my dreams, the places I go, my writing, the friends I make. My whole life I've had high expectations, high standards and I''m not giving up on them now no matter how many times I'm disappointed or how many hurdles I face. I was always meant for bigger and brighter things. I get defeated way too easily but I forget that I'm 19 and that I haven't seen enough of the world yet for me to let it defeat me or let one tiny tragedy define the rest of my life.
3. Stop half-assing things: write that novel I've been wanting to write, learn to drive properly, play the ukulele. just do it already.
4. Always, always be kind. To other people and to myself, especially on days when I think i don’t deserve it.
5. Learn to say no. (generic but important)
6. Pray more
7. Spend more on the people I love, not just money but time too: buy Amma flowers, take Ubeer out for coffee, help Abba rearrange his sock drawer.
8. Stop being so hard on myself, or feeling self-pity. This negative attitude needs to go, there's no place for it in my life.
9. Write. Write. Write.
10. Remind myself that I don’t always have to accomplish great things to give my life meaning. Alternatively, stop searching for meaning, not everything has to matter (this one was inspired by the lovely Alaska Gold)